the Math Test

I've just completed a spare math test that was printed up with a number of other tests and quizzes by Az's mother for her students (she is a teacher, irl, and because I am trying to prepare myself for college, she lets me use some of her materials to practice with). I don't think I am actually one of her students in the dream, even though she is treating me as if I am (irl Az is my tutor, when I need one). I realize that she is grading my work, which is a little awkward for me considering that a) Az usually does it and b) I'm always afraid that his mom is judging me; in this case, that she'd think I was stupid (she's a sweet lady irl; I just have mommy-issues.)

I am confident that I did well on the test, so lack of skill has nothing to do with the anxiety. I've been working on this stuff for weeks. I see her shaking her head though, as she grades. There is almost a look of disgust on her face and, even though she thinks I can't hear her, she is mumbling something under her breath. I can't make it out, but who mumbles anything good under their breath? Does she think I'm like one of her dumb students? (she works with troubled kids; she is not a mean person, and does not throw that word around; she is very encouraging. Most of the kids in her class struggle, but that's that the issue. She deals with a lot of know-it-alls that don't want to learn and live under the delusion they can go far in life without passing high-school; these are the kids she rants about. Clearly, I wouldn't fit into that category, but my fears are rarely rational.)

I don't remember her handing it to me, but next thing I know, I have the graded test in my hands. I see that there is a giant, red 'F' on it. I am confused, among other things. I knew this stuff. Did I spend all that time learning it wrong?

***

As excited as I am to finally go to college next year (I've wanted to for such a long time, but family issues, lack of money, lack of time, etc all got in the way) I am also scared to death. It's all connected to fear of a new situation and my lack of confidence, which are things that I struggle with on a daily basis. (Gotta beat those!! >.<)

As for my mommy-issues .... yea, they gotta go too. It's been confirmed time and time again that the majority of women I've come to know are nothing like my mother.

Grrr, this is crap! I'll be aiming for sex dream next time, so wish me luck and stay tuned!