***
I've been thinking about this old friend lately. She was one of the best I'd ever had. Sometimes, I wish we were still friends but given the fact that we bonded over our religosity and I am now an atheist, I don't think it could ever be the same. Not to mention, I left her out of that gradual transition completely, for the fear of being judged, which was painful for her. Even if she would of judged, it was unfair of me to not at least give her the chance to be apart of my life. It's a little too late at this point to fix and I am mostly at peace with the situation, but obviously my sub conscience still has a bit to say, hence the guilty tone.
It should also be noted that I'd always admired this friend for a number of reasons, but in this case, her intelligence. I'd always felt below her in that regard, and to seeing how far she's gone with school via facebook status updates while I've had to put higher learning off due to lack of finances makes me feel unsuccessful. I think that explains much of the uneasiness of this dream.
-- Goals --
☆ for more pleasant dreams: Kick negative thoughts out of my mind the moment they appear. I need to get out of the habit of comparing myself with others in waking life. I also need to do the same with thoughts connected to the past.
☆ for lucidity: Get back into the habit of questioning reality in waking life.
I've been thinking about this old friend lately. She was one of the best I'd ever had. Sometimes, I wish we were still friends but given the fact that we bonded over our religosity and I am now an atheist, I don't think it could ever be the same. Not to mention, I left her out of that gradual transition completely, for the fear of being judged, which was painful for her. Even if she would of judged, it was unfair of me to not at least give her the chance to be apart of my life. It's a little too late at this point to fix and I am mostly at peace with the situation, but obviously my sub conscience still has a bit to say, hence the guilty tone.
It should also be noted that I'd always admired this friend for a number of reasons, but in this case, her intelligence. I'd always felt below her in that regard, and to seeing how far she's gone with school via facebook status updates while I've had to put higher learning off due to lack of finances makes me feel unsuccessful. I think that explains much of the uneasiness of this dream.
-- Goals --
☆ for lucidity: Get back into the habit of questioning reality in waking life.
No comments:
Post a Comment