Boob Envy

I'm with JT and his wife at their house.I think I'm in the kitchen at this point, goofing off with JT. (I don't remember what we were doing). I get the feeling his wife is not pleased with me. Did I do something wrong? I think of offering to babysit for them while they go on a date but decide against it. If she hates me, she probably won't want me getting close with her child.

Now, we're in the living room. JT is sitting on this huge, comfy chair. I am sharing it with him, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that since it really is big enough for two. His wife has gone upstairs to take a shower. I take this opportunity to ask JT point blank, "does your wife hate me?" JT answers "no, she doesn't hate you ... she just doesn't like the effect your boobs have on me." (lol)

She comes downstairs from the bathroom with wet hair and sits down on the couch. She's so gorgeous even right out of the shower! Why is she jealous of me? I think about how hot she looks even with shorter hair (IRL, I prefer long hair on women, with a few exceptions).

I want to flirt with her a little, but I'm worried it won't be well-received. I'm silly with her instead, making some jokes, and she seems to be okay with me. We're getting along and laughing together.

***

IRL, I'm not sure how JT's wife feels about me. I worry that she doesn't like me, which is upsetting since I actually admire her. Wanting to babysit to allow them alone time was an attempt to show that I care about the health of their relationship. This idea has come up IRL too.  'Real life correcting' dreams are a relatively common theme for me and perhaps mentioning them to a friend in conversation yesterday inspired another?

As for the guilty theme, duh. :)  I tend to befriend men more easily than women, though I crave close friendships with women as well. It's just more difficult for me to be open with women, given my 'mommy-issues'. When I feel comfortable enough with a friend of either gender, I tend to be playful which can manifest as flirtatiousness. I rarely mean anything by it, but it has given the wrong impression before, and I do worry about how I am perceived by either the friend or their partner.

I've often been in the situation where I'd made the partner feel unnecessarily threatened and I tend to worry about that sort of thing. I really hate making anyone uncomfortable. I wish we could all get along and be equal friends, hence the dream attempt. However, my nervousness around other women particularly combined with their uncertainty about me often makes this rather difficult. In fantasy, I fix this sort of jealous situation with sex, by exploring the woman in an attempt to show her how amazing she really is, putting all focus on her, and making her the center of attention. I think that is why flirting  with the partner tends to be the initial reponse. Unfortunately, dream guilt often keeps the fantasy from playing out! >.<

As for the boob line ... I was thinking about how much of a boob-man A is before going to sleep.  Perhaps that had something to do with it. lol

Ass Grab

I am in a dim room full of people. I feel like it is full of people, anyway. I think it's some sort of a party. (It reminds me of a room in the D-hue's church with elements of the funeral home where A's uncle's funeral was held). I see a fireplace on the wall in front of me. There is a banquet table in front of the fireplace and a woman sitting at the end. She looks antsy. She's wearing an old-fashioned dress, like something the women on Bonanza wear ... I wonder why? I have a weird feeling about her. I'm not sure what to expect.

I am walking toward her, expecting something to happen. I don't know what. As I walk passed, she grabs my ass. I look back at her and grin. I want to show her that it was welcome and for some reason the smile doesn't feel like enough, so I stick my tongue out and wink, anime style. (lol)

***

I have been feeling very socially anxious lately, for some reason, while also simultaneously wanting deeper connections with others. I've also been craving drunken lesbian play-time. o_^

A's mom watches "Bonanza" daily so, unfortunately, some stuff from it gets in my head. At least it was only the dress this time!

As for the room's resemblance to the funeral home/church room ... my contact with those friends on facebook likely triggered the memory.

As for the wink ... too much anime before bedtime, lol.


GOAL: Start setting three alarms again throughout the night for better recall.

what should I call this?

I'm in a room with a dark-skinned brunette girl (I think she is Indian) who is about my size. I'm excited because I think we're going to mess around, but I am too nervous to make any moves myself. I get the feeling she is going to take control.

She wants me to finger her (she doesn't communicate this in an obvious way, but somehow I just know - and it feels like she's guiding me forcefully, but only with her mind). I slip my finger inside of her, and her juices feel so hot that it almost burns. She is on fire! (I remember the hot feeling on my finger vividly) It's almost too hot (literally) for me too handle, but not quite.

She wants me to grope her. Again, it feels like she is forcing me, but physically and verbally, she is not. She must be controlling me with her mind?

I grab her breasts firmly, noting their size and shape; so perfectly round, and not quite a handful. At first, I wish there were more to grab, but then I realize her being smaller excites me.

Now she wants me to eat her out; she really wants it. I slip my tongue inside of her, and she feels even hotter. I can't get over how hot it feels on my tongue. How is this possible? It's almost hot enough to burn the tip, but not quite. I can handle it. I swirl my tongue inside of her hole. It's so wet! She squirts at random, with such force. I can feel it. I wonder how far it would shoot if my mouth weren't there to catch it? I can't take my tongue out though. Will she not let me?

I feel a 'squirming' sensation that for some reason gives me the impression that she is at her peak. I know she is going to squirt again, probably with even more force than before! I catch it with my mouth, tongue outside of her at this point. Now, I can taste it ...it has a different kind of taste than what I'm used to, though. Also a different texture; a bit thicker. I'm not sure that I like it, but I don't dislike it either. It's strong and kind of bitter. (this taste seemed so real!)

Now the Indian girl, my cousin Shayna, a random stranger (I think a man) and I are all in a bedroom that sort of resembles Bryn's room (a little girl I used to babysit irl). There is a bunk bed, and some of us are standing beside it; I think the Indian girl and I are sitting on the bottom bunk. There is a condom wrapper on the bed between us. (In the dream, I assumed that it was from when the Indian girl and I were messing around. Then, I realized that didn't make sense. Maybe it was from Shayna and the man with us?)

My uncle G appears in the door way. Immediately, he notices the condom wrapper (as if he has radar for that sort of thing) and points his judgmental finger toward it, angrily. I can't hear what he's saying, but I can tell he's spewing out religious superior crap. What an moron; why don't you go die already? He goes back into the hallway with my mom and his wife. I can't hear them, but I know they talking about how sinful we are. I roll my eyes.

Now, uncle G and aunt Em are on what I guess is their porch, rocking in their rocking chairs. It's a typical southern scene to me. I go up to them, standing next to the steps that lead up to the porch. Shanya and the Indian girl are behind me. The man may be standing back there too. I'm talking in my superior old man voice, spewing out some bible verses, mimicking him. I want a strong reaction from him. :) I get the feeling that everyone behind me is amused, but that this may be making Shanya a bit uncomfortable.

Strangely, uncle G is laughing with us. I expected he'd tell me that I'm going to hell or something? On the contrary, he seems to find this amusing; so unlike him. It's nice to see him laugh and not take himself so seriously, though. Could it be that he's mellowing out?

Now I am in what seems to be a college bathroom. There are shower stalls in front of me, and I think I had just gotten out of one. I need to pee, so I see there is a hole in the center of the floor. I think it's a drain, but without a cover. I squat down to pee in the hole.

I wait to hear my pee reach the bottom, but it takes a long time! I hope this is in fact a drain. I can hear a man's voice down there - oops! I hope I didn't pee on him. I think Allie (Az's dog) is trapped down there ... I can hear her barking. I get the feeling the man is helping her, so I am not worried.

I enter a bedroom that resembles my cousin Teena's old bedroom, only more spacious. I throw my towel off and sprawl out on the floor, completely naked. ahhhh -I could fall asleep like this!

Suddenly, the man from the hole walks in with Allie. At first, I am embarrassed, but then I am indifferent. Next thing I know, I am excited. I want him to look.

***

a Deli Snooze

I've lost many details of this one, but the latest scene I can recall: I am standing in the middle of the deli, broom in hand, getting ready to sweep when I look up and notice that someone is trying to get my attention from across the aisle, on the other side of the counter. It turns out to be the cute brunette (although she's tried every hair color, which in itself is somehow arousing to me?) from produce, and she has apparently been standing there for quite a few minutes now. She waved, giving me a look that I translated to, "finally you notice!" I think she just wanted to say good-bye (I guess her shift is over), since she literally just waved and then set off for the next aisle that leads to the front doors.

Next scene I can recall: I am lying on the prep table in the deli; apparently, I've fallen asleep here. I look over (the prep table is located behind the deli counter, and off to the side where customers don't usually notice immediately) and notice that there is a man, who somewhat resembles 'Borat', waiting to place an order. I don't know how long he's been standing there, or how long I've even been sleeping, but I jump up, and try to play it off. It's too late though - he already knows that I had fallen asleep. He's not angry at all though -- in fact, he seems thoroughly amused. I don't remember him commenting, but I do remember his smile and the sight of his laughter (I couldn't really hear anything).

As I walk toward the center of the deli (where we usually greet the customers, since there is so much crap on the counter to the far left and right), I think of how messy my hair seems to be. Ugh, how embarrassing. For some reason, I just can't open my eyes enough - it's too bright. I'm trying to, but I can't see well. This is so frustrating ...

***

I do not know the girl in produce, but Az's brother dated her for a short time, so I am aware of her bi-sexuality. Before I knew that about her, my ex worked in produce with her, so I'd noticed her even then; she definitely fit my idea of cute. Becoming aware of her bi-sexuality however has led me to wonder whether her smiles are polite or something a little more. ^_^

The other day, she needed the mop as I was putting it away. We exchanged friendly glaces and said hello, which probably opened the schema associated with my curiosity of her, inspiring the dream situation.

My eyes are actually very sensitive to light (too much exposure to florescent lighting gives me a slight headache). I've never had trouble seeing at work, but the light does affect me negatively.

Dream Moods suggests that my lack of sight could signify difficulties and/or errors in judgment.

Redhead Lust ... and wtf?

I'm in the deli's walk-in cooler at work, either to cool off or put something away when Kami, the department manager, walks in with someone important (someone from corporate maybe?). I don't know what this is about or why she is here, but it is a little claustrophobic in that cooler with three people, so I plan to get what I need and get out. (I try to avoid talking to the higher ups anyway, if at all possible - they make me so nervous, even though they're usually a joke!)

From the corner of my eye, I can tell that she is looking in my direction, and rather frequently. This is nerve wracking, since I assume it must be about something I'm doing wrong or possibly that she plans on talking to me about something eventually. Unable anymore to avoid her glances, I finally look her way. I had noticed that she was hot previously, but being nervous, I was less focused on that. Now I realize, in full detail just how attracted I actually am to her. Trying to be discrete, I check her out at every chance I get.

Her hair is such a rich shade of red ... and long, too! So long in fact, that even as it is tied back into a ponytail, it still reaches her lower back. She has the perfect hair type to have long like that, too - thick and full of body. As much as I love long hair on women, due to it's fine texture, I have to keep mine only a bit below my shoulders. I guess I am a little envious!

She also has an amazing body! Wearing a modest, grey dress suit, her curves still manage to announce their presence. She's tall and lean (much taller than me, although that's not hard to do!) I don't remember much about her face, but her overall appearance combined with the strong, confident air about her made me think of Laura Croft, redhead version!

She doesn't say anything to me, just keeps looking my way, not even trying to hide it. At this point, I don't care if she notices me doing the same. Her face looks so serious every time, which is puzzling. I smile uncomfortably, while I wait to see what the point of this is. Kami has been talking to her the entire time, and she's done a mixture of listening and talking (going through the motions) sometimes, while looking directly at me (weird).

Suddenly, she has Kami leave the cooler. I'm not sure why, but it seems to be understood that she needs to have a private word with the 'sandwich specialist' ;). When the cooler door clicks shut, she doesn't waste a minute before she pounces on me!

She's really going at it - feeling me up, kissing my neck. I certainly don't resist, but it takes me a bit of warming up before I accept the situation enough to express my own desires. I don't remember the details of the transition, but at some point I am fiercely groping her, noting that her breasts are about my size, and biting her lip. To this she stops me briefly to exclaim with a smirk, "Oh, so you are a lesbian?!" At this point, I am wanting to explain that while I have bisexual urges, that I do have a boyfriend. I worry that if she thinks I am lesbian, she might assume I am single and hope for something more serious. I however push these thoughts aside, to enjoy the moment.

Somehow, we are now swimming in a swimming pool together (This is where the details get fuzzy). I don't remember as much here, but we are enjoying ourselves, just swimming, and flirting. The only thing I remember vividly is the touching ... especially rubbing up on her smooth, wet body with mine. At this point, I mention being bisexual and having a boyfriend - she doesn't seem to mind. In fact, I think he shows up at some point to say hello (I vaguely remember him appearing briefly, giving me an smirk that I took to mean, "I want you to give me all the details when you get home, punk!").

Now we are on one seems to be a small cliff, the pool is beneath us, but it looks more like a lake now. (was it always a lake? I was so sure it was a swimming pool?) There is a chubby, blond girl off in the distance who seems to be watching us - I get the impression that she's jealous of me. Is she perhaps a girlfriend/sex partner of my new redhead friend?

Now, this is where it gets a little creepy: I now see a little blond boy (four of five years old) sitting on the edge of the cliff - he looks a little out of it. Suddenly, the jealous, blond girl appears behind him and pushes him off the cliff! At this point, it's hardly a cliff (luckily!) ... we are much closer to the water than we were at first ... in fact, it's now more like a rock over water than an actual cliff. I dive in to save him, and pull him back onto the rock.

***

Out for a Jog

Az and I are jogging up the main road of our community. As we are approaching the mailboxes, I see Wendy from a distance; I know it's her mostly because of her legs (for some reason, they were very distinguishing in the dream "I'd know those legs anywhere" - strange.) but also because I notice that Dick and their daughter, Bryn, are jogging beside her.

I ask Az to slow down a bit - I don't want to catch up to them. Just as I am hoping Bryn doesn't happen to notice me, I hear "mommy, I see Tai!", a little too close for comfort. As I look to my left to complain to Az, he is already gone; he must have escaped, leaving me to deal the awkwardness - bastard! ;) She runs toward me, we small-talk for a bit, and then she runs back up to Wendy. I am thankful that she didn't have any awkward questions or comments for me. It was odd - she was so casual and nonchalant about everything where she is usually miserable and overly dramatic.

Suddenly, I notice that Dick is jogging beside me; I am instantly pissed. I think he is trying catch up with me in his usual pathetic flirting style, where he obviously thinks that I MUST be into him, while blatantly oblivious of the body language that so obviously proves that I'd love nothing more than for lightening to come crashing of the sky, just to strike him ... >:)~

***

I don't know if this is a separate dream, but I assume it's connected, since I am still walking around the same community.

I am walking down a road - it seems like one in my community because of the hills, but the scenery is much more open, with less trees. The landscape more closely resembles what I've seen while visiting family down south than anything I've become familiar with, living up here.

I'm walking uphill. As I'm getting closer to the top, I realize that there is a blond girl ahead of me - I don't know her, but I guess she is a bit younger than me ... probably in her late teens. She is attractive from behind, but I try not to think that way, since she could be really young.

As I am catching up to her (not deliberately - she has just slowed down a lot while I've been going a steady pace), she has apparently been unaware of me, as my presence seems to have startled her. She gasped, and then stopped for a breather, bent over slightly with her hands on her knees, "God, you scared me!" she exclaims. I chuckle, and playfully apologize.

It now seems that we are good friends, as we are walking together to some random house - neither one of us knows whose house it is, but we decide it would be a good idea to knock on the door and introduce ourselves. At this point, I am noticing that this girl reminds me of a cool chick named Melissa that I used to work with who was also a little younger than me. As we approach the screen door, my little brother is somehow there with us - I get the impression he's only there because he thinks my new friend is hot.

I knock on the door; since it's a screen door, and the main door is open, and I can see inside. After the knock, a middle-aged woman rises from what seems like a hot tub, directly in front of us less than 10 feet from the door. She is coming out to answer in nothing but a bathing suit, which is just kind of awkward; it feels like we are interrupting.

She lets us in, and shows us to the living room, where her sons (I assume that's who they are) are all on computers, fully focused on whatever it is they're doing. She lets them know we are there, but they couldn't care less; one even gave us a slight attitude. Suddenly, I feel really stupid and question why we came in the first place; it seems like such a silly idea now. Oh, well. :)

This One Almost Made Me Late for Work!

I am in our living room, present, but not really participating in the conversation going on. Az's cousin, Belle, has stopped by for a visit. I recall hearing that she's entered a couple beauty pageants, and won some money being one of the runner ups. I am thinking about how I also heard that she cried over not winning - which I think is silly. If it were me, I'd rather not win .... take the money and run, is more like it! ;)

I am watching her from across the living room as she walks over to the dishwasher and back. She is very pretty - I notice her long, tan legs and big, dark, full hair, sparkling brown eyes, and her gorgeous smile. I compare her to myself and decide that, even though I do find myself attractive as well, she definitely fits the 'pageant' category where I do not (lol - I consider myself to be in 'porn-star category' - or maybe something more 'cutesy' ... but not a 'super model' or an 'American beauty). She's quite ditzy as well, and very happy all the time ... so even the personality fits. :)

At some point, Az and I are getting ready to leave for work, but Az says something that makes it seem as though we may not have to go in. I am confused by this, and insist that there is no reason we wouldn't have to. At some point, I hear my cell phone ringing but for some reason, I assume it's the house phone.(which is odd, considering the rings are totally different.)

We are now in a car(although, we are both passengers, which is odd, considering he usually drives) but I am not sure who is driving - I think it's his mom. I assume she is dropping us off at work, but then I notice that it is snowing heavily outside (maybe that is what Az meant as to why we might not have to go in? Why is it snowing in the summer, though?)

As the weather calms down, we arrive at our destination, which is my parent's house (Why are we HERE?) Az seems to walk in like it's no big deal, but I am trying to figure out how we got so far from home in what seems like a few minutes.(For some reason I didn't question the oddness of freely walking into my parents house when I haven't seen them in years.)

***

While I was half awake that morning, I overheard a conversation between Az's mom and brother about Belle (her beauty pageants and crying), which helped to produce some of the dream details. I must have dozed back off soon after that because the phone I heard in the dream was actually the alarm on my cell going off, irl Since the dream justified ignoring it in my mind, I was almost late for work! >.<

She Loves Me Not ... She Loves Me? o_0

I am in the basement of my parent's house (quite an an odd setting, for me - but I think, in the dream, it's where I live). First thing I can recall is laying on the pull-out sofa bed that is against the wall where a bookcase used to be (at least, the last time I was there) with Eadoin and a friend (I'm not sure if she is more Eadoin's friend or mine, but I am uneasy around them both).

At some point, it seems as though Eadoin and Rook are back together as a couple (irl, they broke up a while ago, and she has long since moved on). I get the idea that since Eadoin is willing to give Rook another chance, that she is also willing to give me another chance (irl, I assume that she blames and strongly dislikes me for her idea of what went wrong in their relationship). There is a scene I can recall where they are kissing, which is mostly what gives me the impression that they are back together.

On the sofa-bed, we are talking and goofing around. Her personality seems more like my cousin, Moxie's, but then again, Eadoin was always rather timid and reserved around me. Her drunken personality was however, similar to Moxie's actual personality, which could be where the connection was drawn. I find myself wishing I could feel safe enough to truly express myself, but it's difficult. I think it's because I am wary of the situation in general - why is she okay with me all of a sudden? Why is she so 'free' around me?

As I catch a few glimpses of her, I notice that she has slight tan lines on her back, but that her legs are still very pale. With this, I wonder if perhaps being tan in the summer is not as important to her as it is to me. In another scene, where she is walking by the deli with Rook, I notice that she looks wider from the back than she used to - it seems like she has gained some weight. (A fellow co-worker has put on a lot of weight as of recently, which has been disappointing to me, considering she was once very attractive. Because this coworker has always slightly resembled Eadoine in my mind, perhaps I projected this onto her?)

Back on the sofa-bed, I think of asking if everything is really okay (with our situation) for reassurance, but decide against it. I also think of asking what went wrong in the relationship she seems to have broke off in order to go back to Rook, but figure it's not my place. I think at this point, I am trying to 'be free' in the only way I know how... so, I playfully plant a kiss on her mouth, biting her lower lip, hoping to initiate some action ^_-. She smiles and giggles, but backs away, seeming a little uncomfortable with that sort of thing.

At this point, I realize that I had shut the basement door (since I had sexual thoughts at the time, I remembered where I was (my parent's house) and worried that I'd get in trouble). I remember that my parents knew nothing of my 'lesbian tendencies', so I realize that, as long as there are no boys with us, there is nothing to worry about.

Now, we (Eadoine, the friend, and I) are all sitting on the floor by the television. I don't remember what was said, but I feel like Eadoine is being very bossy. Something on the tv reminds me of the manga series I've recently started reading, Black Lagoon, and so I mention it to her. Surprisingly, she seems interested. I don't take her to be much of a manga-chick - maybe we have more in common than I thought? I decide to go upstairs to my bedroom to retrieve the first two books of the series for her.

Rook is in my bedroom, for some reason - I'm a little surprised to find him there, but not terribly (it should have been a little creepy for me). As I am grabbing the mangas, he comes up behind me and lightly nibbles on my neck. I let him do it for a moment, because it's just the right spot, but when it 'clicks' what is happening, I run back downstairs ... "what is with him - didn't he learn his lesson when he lost her the last time he fooled around?!"

***

This dream took place at my parent's likely because they have been on my mind more lately, as my mother and I are trying to 'mend' our relationship (or lack thereof).

Oh, the fun I could have, if only I could learn to free myself of the guilt and worry by becoming lucid! >.<