Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Strange Hotel

My parents and brothers are visiting and staying in a strange hotel outside of PJ, NY. I am thinking that they probably chose to stay outside of PJ because of my comparing it to DK, MD. I had mentioned the surrounding towns being a bit nicer.

The hotel is very high up. There is a creaky set of old, wooden stairs you have to climb in order to get to the room. Walking up the stairs, I notice that there is no railing on the tiny porch that leads to the door. How is this safe?! There is a flimsy bar that runs across the side, but it is too high up (about chin length for me) to prevent a fall. You'd have to grab onto it if you were to lose your balance, and swing your body back onto the porch. We are as high as the tree tops. This is not safe. I'm worried for my mom especially. I think of how she's fallen before.

Suddenly, my mom is shaking the bar aggressively. What is she thinking?! She stops, and reassures me that it is indeed sturdy.

Now, we're inside the 'hotel room'. It think it's actually a tree house. The walls are made with unfinished wood. The rooms are long and narrow, like the rooms in my grandmother's old house. The old fashioned, flowery style even reminds me of my grandmother.

Now, I'm outside. I catch a glimpse of what seems to be an alley. Am I in OC?

I'm following my cousin C around, outside somewhere. I'm worried that she will embarrass herself. I guess we're at a park because I'm watching her walk up to a tube slide. She gets stuck inside, but is able to free herself. She's laughing it off.

***

Since my partner and I are moving into our first apartment soon, to a new state, I've been thinking about where my parents will stay when they come up to visit. They were pretty attached to the quaint mountain town we live in currently in. We're moving to the city, which we be less of a 'break' from the city life they live. PJ is a city not to far from where I currently reside, which, when they came up this way to visit for the first time, I told them to avoid, hence the reference.

Dream Moods suggests an unstable railing to possibly represent a need for support/assistance in some area. Rooms can, supposedly, represent hidden aspects of the subconscious mind. This particular room being familiar, cozy, and quaint could be telling. Embracing what's familiar, perhaps, due to a fear of change? Dreaming of a tree-house can apparently be indicative of a desire to 'escape' harsh realities. The alley seen could possibly indicate a feeling of missed opportunity or a sense of limited options. Given what's been on my mind lately, it certainly makes sense.

I think about my cousin from time to time, given that we were once so close and that I rarely hear from her other than in scattered facebook updates now. I think of our childhood together, from time to time, and wonder if she's ever overcome the self-esteem issues she'd always struggled with.These memories could have inspired the slide scene.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Fear of Change

I'm looking out the window of my house. The view is better than I ever noticed before. A brick path that goes in a circle around a garden is in plain site. I assume it's M-town. It looks more like something from a college campus. Has this always been here? 

Now, I'm in the bathroom. (It resembles an old friend, C's, bathroom). I'm looking out the window and I see what seems like a waterfall. Am I this deep in the woods? How did I not appreciate this before? At second glance, I realize it's just a swimming pool with a realistic waterfall (We don't have a pool IRL. We do live in the woods, but in a community - not as secluded as this). The view is still beautiful.

***

My partner and I are moving to a new city soon. Many changes are ahead. Some I am aware of. Then there is this sense that there are changes that I can't predict. Change is scary, and while I was excited (and am still, on some levels) this fear is emerging because everything is becoming real. I'm sure these emotions are what inspired the appreciation of the current beauty that's slipping away. Of course, the dream beauty was largely exaggerated but the sentiment is the same.

College is also ahead, which may have inspired the campus-esque view of the front yard. As for the waterfalls, we do have them nearby, but not literally in my backyard. This is a beautiful area and I never really took advantage of it.

I think about C from time to time, since we are still friends on facebook. We are no longer close and have gone our separate ways in reality. I cherish some of our memories though and random facebook statuses bring some of them to mind.