Friday, October 12, 2012

Fear of Change

I'm looking out the window of my house. The view is better than I ever noticed before. A brick path that goes in a circle around a garden is in plain site. I assume it's M-town. It looks more like something from a college campus. Has this always been here? 

Now, I'm in the bathroom. (It resembles an old friend, C's, bathroom). I'm looking out the window and I see what seems like a waterfall. Am I this deep in the woods? How did I not appreciate this before? At second glance, I realize it's just a swimming pool with a realistic waterfall (We don't have a pool IRL. We do live in the woods, but in a community - not as secluded as this). The view is still beautiful.

***

My partner and I are moving to a new city soon. Many changes are ahead. Some I am aware of. Then there is this sense that there are changes that I can't predict. Change is scary, and while I was excited (and am still, on some levels) this fear is emerging because everything is becoming real. I'm sure these emotions are what inspired the appreciation of the current beauty that's slipping away. Of course, the dream beauty was largely exaggerated but the sentiment is the same.

College is also ahead, which may have inspired the campus-esque view of the front yard. As for the waterfalls, we do have them nearby, but not literally in my backyard. This is a beautiful area and I never really took advantage of it.

I think about C from time to time, since we are still friends on facebook. We are no longer close and have gone our separate ways in reality. I cherish some of our memories though and random facebook statuses bring some of them to mind.

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