Whore

I'm in some kind of a store - it resembles a gas station convenience store and I see that Jefu (my coworker irl) is here also (I don't know if he was there with me or I just happened to see him). I am about to check out - there is a Hispanic guy at the counter and I get the feeling that he thinks I'm young - perhaps underage (I don't think I was trying to buy something that would have required me to be of age though - I think I wanted him to know I was of age for personal reasons?) I make a point to mention being 23 (although I am 22 irl).

Now, I find myself 'flirting' with this black guy who resembles Rokki, a past acquaintance (I don't remember details - I only remember being a playful tease). At this point, I am making some kind of sexual deal with him (I don't remember what I want from him, but whatever it is, I decide to have sex with him for it). For some reason, I am perfectly okay with this.

Now we are in a small motel room. There are two beds - for some reason I am noticing the maroon floral patterns that is the same on both comforters; quite typical for a motel. I am laying on the bed closest to the window and door while Rokki is sitting on the other, focusing on something (some kind of pamphlet - or a map maybe?) As he's focused on whatever it is he's reading, I am busy quietly stripping down to my lacy black bra and matching thongs. I get on my stomach, placing my hands under my chin as my legs are bending back and forth in a girly manner. I feel cute and sexy and I am wanting him to raise his head enough to notice my attire ... or lack thereof. It doesn't take long before he notices ... obviously getting a little excited as he drops his little pamphlet and stares; I am pleased with his reaction.

Now he is getting up to look for a condom, which is when it sinks in for me what I'm about to do. I am extremely uneasy all of a sudden and don't think I can go through with it - what the fuck was I thinking? How will I be able to look at Eidan (my boyfriend irl) in the eye after this - how will I be able to live with myself?

Rokki is now leaving the room to go get something (maybe the condom?) - I've been waiting in the room for quite some time now...

At some point, I must have gotten up myself because now I'm in a different room - a small one that seems to be some sort of a walking closet. On the floor, I notice a huge cardboard shipping box that says 'proactiv' on it in big letters with my name and address on the corner. "what is this - I don't order proactiv...?" I'm opening the box and inside I see that it's full of little address labels, except it's not my address; instead, they have my name, as well as fragments of my e-mail address and possibly phone numbers. This is quite puzzling ...

At this point, we've switched back to the gas station scene where Rokki is eating these little miniature hot-dog snacks. I mention that I used to buy them all the time back when I was poor, and we are both amused.

Now we are back in what I think is the motel room at first, but apparently it's a house -I'm not sure who's though. I'm back to being worried -I really don't want to have sex with him. All I can think about is how guilty I'm going to feel afterward ...and possible STDs! Why did I have to tease him so much? Now, I think it would be extremely unfair of me to refuse after being such a flirty little she-devil. Maybe I can convince him to take a blow-job instead - I'll still feel bad, but at least it's not sex. For some reason however, I am fixated on the idea that he might have an STD ... and that make me nervous about giving him even a bj. I'm considering suggesting that we use a condom for that, but blow jobs are so lame with a condom on.

Suddenly, I realize that Eidan is home (even though I am still unsure of where we are exactly) - I am so relieved! I am now hearing more voices, meaning Eidan's family and my grandmother (I'm not sure why they all live here?) are also home - I can't possibly do anything with Rokki now and am therefore off the hook automatically.

At this point, I get the impression that Rokki would have been okay if I would have just admitted that I couldn't go through with it - all I would have had to do is ask.

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